You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
