Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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