you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
