i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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