he shaved USA in his pubs
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
