It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
