Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
