how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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