I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
