batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
