yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
