so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
