I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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