Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
