she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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