Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
