do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
