hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
