If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
