If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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