Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
