Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
