I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
