New invention idea: vibrating tampons
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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