remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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