didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
