I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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