you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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