Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
