it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
