Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
