I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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