textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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