if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
