Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
