A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
