Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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