found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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