you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Randomize
