Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
