Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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