i permit you to call me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
