Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
