I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
