Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
