just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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