I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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