with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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