New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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