If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
