I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
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Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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