I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
