dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think your dad took our porno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
