I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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