It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize