So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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