He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
