he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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