why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
