You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
