Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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