operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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