I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize