Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
