I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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