Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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