Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night