I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!