Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
