erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy