I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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